lighting a candle

candleLately I have been sitting through worship with my eyes closed. I want to shut out the personalities of the people preaching, speaking, reading the text. I want to hear the words alone and be challenged. I want to be shaped and changed by what I hear. I want to walk out of church feeling as if something is at work in me and nothing will ever be the same again. I want to be scared and excited. I want to not know what is coming next but know that something is coming.

It’s a tall order, too tall for any of my friends to bear the weight of. So I close my eyes and I listen. I listen for God to speak through them, through the music, through the prayers. I listen in the silence and I listen in the voices of those around me. And I wait. I wait a lot and I wait often because this sort of thing happens in its own time.

Soon I’ll gather with friends and we’ll talk about worship and prayer stations and the lenten journey, the Easter arrival and the continuation of the journey. I want to be able to help people have the experience that I long for. I want to help them access this life changing, transforming, Word and be changed. Tall order but we’ll gather and we’ll talk about this. We’ll put forth our best efforts to create a worship experience that will invite people to deepen their relationship with God and with each other. We will try to draw people into a community where it is safe for them to show up completely and wholly. We believe that as we encounter the other we are also encountering God.

My heart aches to be of service, to be connected within a community of grace and love. It is my dearest wish that I might participate in helping to create a community of deep hospitality. Even as I recognize my limitations and the shortcomings in my abilities I trust that God will use me, will use this community and that somehow, perhaps in ways we cannot see, God will work through us during this time and the Divine will touch the lives of those who are seeking. This is my prayer,

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