with the joy of a child or not at all!

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The other day a very well-meaning friend reminded me that even though I am over weight I shouldn’t give up hope of dating. Remember, she said, lots of men our age are over weight too! The harder she tried to comfort me the deeper she dug the pit!

I am so very aware that I am not in shape and have not been working out lately. I am grateful that I haven’t gained more weight during this lazy period. The thing is though, I know from past experience that if I start going to the gym or making myself run because I feel bad or because I’m hoping it will gain me a date or a husband that I will only make myself more miserable. I know that I am capable of working out, long and hard, in abject misery as I recount all my flaws and that I will never be good enough. At least not until I can have an airbrush artist magically transforming me moment by moment.

I know that if I can recapture that sense of joy that comes natural as breath when I’m feeling good that I will enjoy working out. I will actively seek out the endorphins and the limits of my ability, not in a self-abusive ritual but in a self-empowering one! I know that it looks the same from the outside but I also know that the two are night and day! I have punished myself for being less-than so thoroughly in the past that I want no more of it!

So yes, I am over weight and worse I lack muscle tone. But I know this will pass sure as spring coming and I will again stretch my limits and discover my boundaries and I will explore with the joy of a child. I know that I have to trust this process and the wisdom of my body. I wish I knew when this tired, shut down feeling was going to be over but I do know that my body moves in rhythms that have their own wisdom and today I”m going to respect that.

2 thoughts on “with the joy of a child or not at all!

  1. Xo. I have been overweight and out of shape and overweight and in shape and thin and weak and fat but strong. My favorite is right now: overweight but strong. Which is a long way of saying just make a cup of tea and do some gentle stretching if it feels good. The mind will tell you when it wants to go back to the gym. And when you get there, just compete against yourself. No one else.

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